Inner Circle #11 ~ Misery in Paradise

So, it’s no secret that this year has been rough for everyone. And I believe that just because someone else is struggling doesn’t mean your struggle is any less valid. It may be less intense or “bad”, but it is a struggle for you nonetheless.

COVID has not had the deleterious effect (yet) on me that it has many people. To my knowledge, I haven’t had it, and none of my family has had it. I also only personally know one person who has had it, so I have been very fortunate in that way.

I also haven’t lost a job to the virus. Most everyone I know has kept theirs as well, with the few exceptions not being a crippling financial hit. I’ve arguably thrived under the virus, getting a job in the state I wanted to be in, in the middle of the Cascades Mountains. And for much of this summer, I have been miserable.

It started well enough, but like getting to eat ice cream and cake for every meal, it got old fast. The things that I thought I wanted, isolation, working in nature, and being around very few people, turned into a prison.

I learned the importance of human interaction, even for a socially uncomfortable introvert like myself. My energy feeds off other people’s energy, so when that energy is lacking, so is mine. I became sluggish.

I learned that working in a beautiful, scenic location eventually rubs the gloss away and leaves you with a dull, used antique. I began to associate nature with the work, and the dream was gone.

Most importantly, I learned what I do and don’t want in terms of a job. I can do physical labor, but my body doesn’t hold up well to an extended stretch of it. I love numbers and problem-solving. I miss coaching basketball. And I miss creating, which has mostly been sapped out of me, as evidenced by my long writing absence.

I don’t view this experience as a success or failure. It’s merely something that happened, that I learned from. I’m unsure of what my next adventure will be. I know I continue learning and growing, and that’s all I can ask. I do finally believe in my writing and turn it into something that I am financially successful at, but I do have bills to pay in the meantime. Until next time…peace, love, and positivity.

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