I took the past week off from writing. And I’m most likely taking a hiatus from writing in general. Given everything going on, I feel completely blocked when I try to write. I’ve been doing more and more to try to combat it, but the feeling remains. I’m unsure how to get unstuck, or why I feel that way, even.
The virus has not contributed to my anxiety. Or I should say, the coverage hasn’t. I can watch the news all day and not feel amped up or anxious. But I work in the service industry, and we are still open. And I feel incredibly lucky to still have a job. But I also notice my anxiety peaks there.
I worry about bringing it home. I am angry a the lack of empathy and care some of my coworkers have for the situation and the people who are dying. And I’m tired of being told, both implicitly and overtly, that my feelings and anxiety about it are invalid because I’m “overreacting”.
But I have to work. I need the money. And I come home every day, after going to spend time in a park nearby, still completely drained of everything I have in me. And even my weekends are spent mentally recovering.
So, in short, I may continue to write over this break. I may try some different things as it goes. But I know I won’t publish anything. Not until I feel like I’m in the right frame of mind, or until I feel I have something to say.
In some ways, scheduling my posts has added to that pressure. I rarely speak unless I have something to say, and my writing is the same. So maybe I’m just…out of things to say. For now. Until then…