I wrote this poem in September of 2017. It was the first poem I had written in about 15 years. I had gone through a long stretch of really good energy and positivity, but it was coming to an end. I had taken on the task of going back to school, working two jobs and volunteering 10 hours a week. I was sleeping maybe 2–3 hours a day and my body and mind had had enough. My depression was back.
This is not my best work, or even good I would argue. But it sparked something in me and started me on the path that I’m walking now. I’m revisiting it now because I’ve drifted back to that place again. I wanted to read my thoughts the last time this happened, to compare the feelings and work out the differences. Thank you for reading.
My depression snuck up on me today
An old friend I hadn’t seen in a while.
He asked how I had been, I said great.
You see, I had finally found a way out,
A way to not be around him anymore.
He used to be ok, I would tolerate him.
He was company, filling a void of conversation and companionship.
Slowly, I realized there was more,
Other conversations that needed to be had,
Other connections I was missing out on
Because I experienced only him every day.
Yet here he was, invading my space again.
I know how this ends.
I know that he’ll hang around for a few days
Maybe a couple weeks
Hopefully no longer than a month
And then I’ll kick him out
Tired of his bullshit.
But in the meantime, I’ll sit
I’ll try to push him out but fail.
Not because I don’t have the strength,
But because in some small way,
I don’t want him to leave.